whenthereisnoescapefromreality...

i never thought the day would come that i would be the girl to put on that fake smile, and tell myself and others everything is ok.... when clearly everything is a disaster. im the kind of girl who helps all who are down, fixes all things that are wrong, and gives advice to the people who need it. i must say that i also never thought the day would come that i needed to take the advice i myself had once given. today i realized that even the girl who thinks she has everything in control, can be completely wrong. why must i compete with people? why do i have to feel like i am second? do i really need this amount of stress on myself? when did you think about me the way i thought about you? has anyone really understood what im about? i do have feelings, i do get stressed, angry, and upset. i laugh, i cry. im just like you, except i dont live my life like a secret. i dont wake up every morning thinking about whos next? which will be my next victim?i can only imagine what goes through peoples heads. i almost feel the need to walk up to you and ask, what the HECKKK are you doing? do you feel the need to make a fool of yourself? do you really want to be remembered this way? 10 years down the road, just remember who was there for you. who saw you cry, who saw you laugh harder than anyone else, who was there to pick you up every second you were down. and you remember who got you to where you are today. i doubt things will change, i dont believe things will get better, but why bother? your a child... what am saying im still a child. i wish things would go the way i planned them in my mind... but they wont. im leaving and as soon as that happens i know i will begin to grow. i will change, make something of myself, i will make all my wildest dreams come true.... what will you be doing? to me it seems like it will be the same stuff different day. im done being here, im done feeling sorry for you. i will no longer stand up for you, make you feel inferior. its time to start growing up. i will make a change... will you?