lookalittlebitcloser.

too many people today forget the true meaning of living.

live- to experience or enjoy life to the full: At 40 she was just beginning to live.

why is that people pass up the things that should mean the most to them in life? its been a long time since i have met someone that appreciated life as much as i do. the things that everyone would pass up, i take extra time to look at, the noises that people ignore because they hear them everyday, i embrace because i know they could be gone in a second, the stars in the sky that no one cares about anymore, i care about more than anything. its just crazy to me that no one can just live anymore, just slow everything down, forget about the clock on the wall, set down the cell phone and just purely live. the definition of living is not to get eaten up by our society, to try to one up on every person you come in contact with, nor is it to ignore the beautiful things God has put here for you to appreciate. i guess the reason im ranting and raving about this is because more than anything im tired of walking down my high school hallway and seeing 9/10 of the people cussing, or saying i hate this, i hate that, or gossiping about someone they call their best friend. i wish all of them, or any of them for the sake of this post would take a walk in my shoes and find out that the true beauty, and enjoyment in life is not going and drinking every night, it is not smoking during lunch, and it is not going against the morals you should set for yourself. more than anything i hope and pray that people will learn to enjoy their surroundings, and embrace the true beauty in life before it all goes away. take a step back, slow your life down, and look a little bit closer on how you view your things.

"dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today" ~ james dean.

when the time comes you will feel it:



the time has come, and i am realizing that this year needs to be epic, i have to cherish every second, make the most of everyday, and remember all of it. i cant believe that this year will be my senior year. im going to really find out who i am, and who all my friends are, and im scared to death. it will be filled with tests, college applications, and lots and lots of fun times... i will make sure of that. there will be many midnight drives, coffee runs, and late nights. i will live more than ever, and i will find out where i want to move to after school. im making the best of it. this summer has been amazing, and i really have taken it for all it was worth. i have found the most amazing people that have changed my life is such a great way, and i have helped people in ways i dont even realize. im so happy i am realizing who i want to become. im still struggling with a few things, but i know with God everything will work out, and i know he will show me where to go. this is it. this is my last yearrrr! i thought my parents were kidding when they told me that this time will fly, but it has. i know with God on my side, my friends here with me, and skype haha i will make it. im filled with fear, excitement, joy.... everything.
ohh but what is to come... it will be the most beautiful sight you have seen so far.

whenthereisnoescapefromreality...

i never thought the day would come that i would be the girl to put on that fake smile, and tell myself and others everything is ok.... when clearly everything is a disaster. im the kind of girl who helps all who are down, fixes all things that are wrong, and gives advice to the people who need it. i must say that i also never thought the day would come that i needed to take the advice i myself had once given. today i realized that even the girl who thinks she has everything in control, can be completely wrong. why must i compete with people? why do i have to feel like i am second? do i really need this amount of stress on myself? when did you think about me the way i thought about you? has anyone really understood what im about? i do have feelings, i do get stressed, angry, and upset. i laugh, i cry. im just like you, except i dont live my life like a secret. i dont wake up every morning thinking about whos next? which will be my next victim?i can only imagine what goes through peoples heads. i almost feel the need to walk up to you and ask, what the HECKKK are you doing? do you feel the need to make a fool of yourself? do you really want to be remembered this way? 10 years down the road, just remember who was there for you. who saw you cry, who saw you laugh harder than anyone else, who was there to pick you up every second you were down. and you remember who got you to where you are today. i doubt things will change, i dont believe things will get better, but why bother? your a child... what am saying im still a child. i wish things would go the way i planned them in my mind... but they wont. im leaving and as soon as that happens i know i will begin to grow. i will change, make something of myself, i will make all my wildest dreams come true.... what will you be doing? to me it seems like it will be the same stuff different day. im done being here, im done feeling sorry for you. i will no longer stand up for you, make you feel inferior. its time to start growing up. i will make a change... will you?

no title necessary.

often the best thoughts come to me while driving in the car:
today while taking my 11 hour trip back home from florida i realized what i was coming back to. did i really want to come back to forney texas? of course the better choice would have been to keep this truck in 6th gear, and drive until the gas tank was empty, but theres no way i could have done that... my dad was in the passenger seat. but thats besides the point. all i was coming home to was immature little kids who think they know everything, stupid traffic lights, and busy streets. friends who dont even realize what they have, and people who whine about every little thing. there are the few... correction, [very few] people i care about in this city, and those people i am thankful for, but all i want to do is get away from this place. wouldnt it be the most amazing thing to just pause time for a while... no sound, no people walking, driving, running. everything just stopped except for you? i wish i could just do that, take a leap into the sky and see things from a much more beautiful perspective. anyways, back to the car ride, while im looking out the window, for some reason i started day dreaming about how my future was going to be. i know thats bad since i was driving, but it was so vivid, and full, and beautiful. i had it all. i was living in new york city, i had a nice place... not too big, not too small, nice for the city lifestyle, i was walking down the street with confidence, and i had this stride to me, like i was on top of the world. then all the sudden i heard this big bump, bump, bump. i was driving off the road and those little things on the side of the road... i dont know exactly what they are, but they make a loud noise if you drive over them.... well thanks to them my daydream was over. no more beautiful new york city life, no fully decorated apartment, and no powerful walk. i was in a dodge truck, getting 18.2 miles to the gallon, headed west on 20, back to forney texas. back to the place where i would spend the rest of my summer, my last real summer swimming, being with my friends, and trying to remember how amazing this daydream was. senior year is coming up fast, and im more ready than ever to get this over with so i can make this dream a reality.


why didnt i just keep driving?

summer is upon us. even though it just started a week ago, so much is going on. i have already been changing just in the 7 days school has been out. i am really starting to figure out what im going to make of life. so many people have opened my eyes to what this world has to offer, and for once i am taking full advantage of that. everything i have wished for has come true, and i have God to thank for that. i am so inspired by the things my friends have been doing lately. just seeing them makes me realize how special my life really is. i cant believe how the friends you make in a year can change you for a lifetime, and i also cant believe that for once, im helping to change someone else's life. this summer is going to be full of life talks, college applications, hard work, lotsss of traveling, and getting people to realize the difference between what they think is good for them, and what is actually good for them. as im sitting here typing this i feel excitement running from my toes to my head. summer 2009, get ready cause im taking everything you got! =]

as i was walking through the monkey grass leading up to my grandparents back door i realized how much this house has changed me, not really changed... but molded me. i grew up in this place, my brother, my 4 cousins, and me. this is where our adventures took place, this is where i had my first boo boo, where i learned the joy of music, and how to cook the most amazing foods. i had it all at this house, we had games, toys, family, and friends. and i cant believe that after all these years it hasnt changed. i walked in the house today with that same excitement, and little kid feeling as i did when i really was that little kid. there it was, the living room where all 6 kids somehow all slept in, the kitchen where grandma would make a different meal for each kid (because we were all so picky), the piano room, where i found the beauty in music, and all it had to offer, the bedrooms where we played sega, and learned how to sew, and the bathroom, where each and every kid was told not to touch... but we did anyways =] it was so much fun at that house. but as i walked through it today i had a different outlook on this house. i didnt see it as the house where all my dreams came true, i saw it as the house that in 30 years i would go back to and realize that this house was only so special because of the amazing people who lived in it. it wasnt the house at all that molded me into who i was today, it was my grandpa who showed me how to press my first key on the piano, to sing my heart out, and how to take life as it comes. it was my grandma who showed me how to make my first cupcake, how to shop like no tomorrow, and how to cherish every little thing. "these kids will never know how much we love them" my grandparents say or think this everyday. but the truth is i do realize how much they love me. i wouldnt be the person i am today without them. they taught me to love, to listen, and how to make a memory of every second of life. because 30 years from now, your not going to have that big house on Gibbs Williams, or those grandparents to share stories with at 1 in the morning. all your going to have is those memories, and thats whats important.

to whom this may concern:
i have come to the conclusion that everything in life does in fact happen for a reason. "nothing ever happens the way you want it to honey"~emily fleeman. this girl has talked to me a lot in the past years of knowing her, and even while hating her guts i remembered this one quote. i dont know why, but out of every conversation we have ever had, every life talk, this one line... just that one, stayed in my head forever. i suppose she said it so i would just shut up about all he sad, boring, lame stuff she didnt feel like hearing, but i never thought of it that way. i remember driving home the night she told me that line, and while listeneing to my music i thought about how much she made sense. although nothing ever happens the way you want it to, it always turns out ok in the end. that friend of yours, the one you like so much, instead of trying to get attention 24/, just be happy hes there. i know you think you want him to be your forever, but for now, just be his friend. that college your working ohh so hard to get into, relax. if its meant to be it will happen. ohhh and this life your living, enjoy every single second of it. before too long it will be over, and when that time comes, you will remember the line, "nothing ever happens the way you want it to honey" and you will also remember, that even if its not the way you want it to be, it happened for a reason.
sincerely,
ashley joy gulledge