i have tried that...

it doesnt work.

i have tried to be the one that just fits in, i have tried to be the one to just take shit from anyone, i have tried to just cover up the hurtful things you say with a smile, i have tried to make mends with you, i have tried to open up to you, i have tried to be the girl you want me to be, i have tried to change everything about me to be noticed by you, i have tried to hold back my tears, i have tried to outshine everyone, i have tried to be 'that girl', i have tried to let you down easy, i have tried to forget about what pisses me off, i have tried to stay true to myself, i have tried to be the best to you, i have tried to open my arms to you, i have tried to be there for you to lean on, i have tried to help you, i have tried to always be remembered, i have tried to do all of this, and none of it has worked...

until now.

i will not conform to what you want me to be, i will not take your shit anymore, i will call you out on the cruel, and hurtful things you say, im done making mends with you, its your turn, you dont have the privilege of being able to know my most strong feelings, i dont care if im the girl you want me to be, i am crazy, weird, different, and definitely awkward, take it or leave it. i will never change another thing about me for anyone but me, i will not hold anything back anymore, i dont have to try to outshine people, i will shine in my own way on my judgement day, i dont mind knowing that i am not the 'cookie-cutter' girl youre looking for, i will no longer let you down easy, i will not let things be forgotten, i will stand up for myself, im no longer going to try to stay true to myself, i will stay true to myself, im not going to try to give you my best, i will give you my best, my arms will always be open, for whenever you need me, i am there for you to lean on, are you there for me? i will help you in any way that i can, and He will remember me.

i will never again be that person.